Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
