Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
