my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
