im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
