Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
