the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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