awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Randomize
