I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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