You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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