is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
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