Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
