I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
