I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
