You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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