Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
