just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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