Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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