She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I accidentally burped into my bong.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Randomize
