No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
