So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
