you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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