In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
