so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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