I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
