She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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