marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
