I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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