Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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