Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
