do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
