wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
