Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
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