it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
