He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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