Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Randomize
