i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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