And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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