do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
