He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
