Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's never too late to be topless.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
