nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
