Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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