the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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