im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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