I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
