Dude my mom stole all your condoms
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
