Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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