..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Actions speak louder than pants.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
