nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
