So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
