Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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