The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
