Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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